What Now Shall I Read: the HCSB and the KJV

The canonical Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke &...
Image via Wikipedia

I could not find anyone who wanted to persuade me about these translations, and yet they are bestsellers and so deserve at least passing treatment. A very special thank you to my friend and colleague, me. I am joining myself in this project, “What now Shall I Read?” Previous entries are here: Intro , NIV, NRSV, NAB, NLT, ESV, and the NASB. And now, for the penultimate post on WNSIR, a very warm Political Jesus welcome to me as I tell me why I should read the HCSB and the KJV (based on what I was able to find).

First, the HCSB –

Chad, it is clear that you are as theologically dedicated as you are smart. Perhaps you are more dedicated to God than you are smart. Perhaps you are not smart at all and just theologically and overly religiously inclined. That is why you should choose the Holman Christian Standard Bible.

Far from being written in today’s language, it keeps theologically important, but ultimately meaningless words like justification, sanctification, redemption in tact, although they really don’t mean anything to our readers beyond what our pastors tell us they mean.

The HCSB also keeps traditional names of people and places in the Bible in tact, regardless of new scholarship, so that we don’t have to change any of our curriculum, church names, and just because that might be controversial. Avoiding controversy is super important to being Biblical. The one exception is the Tetragrammaton. We just love big words.

You see, most Bibles are just plain wrong when they translate the Bible. You see, LORD is not a good translation of the Tetragrammaton. That is why we use Yahweh. Even though tradition tells us not to, and even though we aren’t completely sure of how it should be pronounced, and even though some people will be offended, this is really the only innovation we have going for us, so we stuck with it.

Chad, you should know that we kept the little headings above groups of text that let you know what you should be thinking about the story before you read it. Also, the red letters. We love color coordination. There was an argument about this apparently. Some of us thought that the innovation of color text was “adding to the words of this book” and thus were afraid of judgment, but the marketing guys were able to convince us that it made better financial sense.

Lastly, we don’t accommodate to the culture like some other liberal translations do. Even when the text clearly includes women, we exclude them just to be on the safe side. We toyed with translating “Eve” as “Adam without a penis,” but then we might have to change some of the pictures in our kid’s Bibles. Also, we wanted to avoid any potential homosexuals using our Bible as a proof-text. We should be the only ones using our own translation as a proof text.

Chad, we sincerely hope that you choose the HCSB as your new translation. It is the standard after all. Blessings of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ, our El Shaddai.

Now, the KJV –

If it is good enough for Jesus, it is good enough for you, Chad.

The KJV was written by Christians, in the original language of God.

Many will tell you that the original languages of the Bible were Hebrew, Greek, and sometimes Aramaic (which is like the leap year of Biblical languages, am I right?). That is false. The Bible was written in the King James English, then taken back in time and translated into Hebrew, Greek, and Aramaic. Later, when the Christian Empire was at its golden zenith (which hopefully will return as soon as we can kick all of those liberals out of Washington), it was re-translated from the only slightly inferior Latin Vulgate (may it rest in peace).

The King Jimmy Bible has taken God’s nation, I mean America, through its toughest times. Without it, we may never have been able to twist scripture as well as we have, and Moses might not have ever had horns. Don’t innovate on God’s original plan – the KJV.

Enhanced by Zemanta

0 thoughts on “What Now Shall I Read: the HCSB and the KJV

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention What Now Shall I Read: the HCSB and the KJV | Political Jesus -- Topsy.com

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *