Tag Archives: Mark Stevens

If the Bibliobloggers were the Cast of NBC's Community

For those of you who live in a cage, there is a line up on NBC Thursday nights that is pretty hard not to pass up. Included in the bunch are three excellent mockumentaries, Parks and Rec; The Office, and last Community.  Parks and Rec is a spoof of a city-hall in Pawnee, Indiana; The Office, well an office for Dunder Mifflin Paper company, while Community is a show about a “study group” at a community college.  So the other day, I dreamed that I was Jeff Winger, the leader of  the study group, oh and he is also the cool one.

Jeff Winger (the cool one)

So, I was thinking, what if the Bibliobloggers were the study group from Community. Who would be who?

Chad from here at Political Jesus: Fat Neil, because Neil’s life revolves around going to school to school and playing Dungeons and Dragons.

Fat Neil

The fellas over at Near Emmaus: Senor Chang, because he has multiple personalities; sometimes when you read their blog, you see something about the Bible, and then another thing about that Heretic Eugene Peterson, or that one guy Karl Barth Simpson.

Senor Chang

Joel L. Watts of Unsettled Christianity: Abed Nadir, much like Joel, Abed is unsettled in his Christian faith even though he is a Muslim ( he still loves the Jesus). Unable to communicate with 0thers outside of movie references, Abed and Joel make the perfect match. Beside, I mean, Joel denying the Trinity and all, nothing much to separate him from a Jesus-loving Muslim like Abed. What? Did I say that? Oh!

Abed? Or Joel?

Bitsy Griffin of Jack of All Trades: Shirley Bennett. Poor Shirley, the whole gang disappoints her because they offend her good Christian lifestyle. Much like the fans of Wake Forest sports disappoint poor Bitsy. Ahhhh. 🙁

Shirley Bennett. Praise Jesus!

Lastly, Jeremy Thompson of Free Old Testament Audio: Star Burns? Who is Star Burns? A picture says a thousand words.

Star Burns or Jeremy?

I could go on and on, but these are the bloggers I like the most to have in a study group, I mean, if I did have to go to Greendale Community College.

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What If the Bibliobloggers Were Professional Wrestlers?

History of World Wrestling Entertainment
Image via Wikipedia

Ladies and Gentleman. Boys and Girls. For tonight’s event, we have in each corner BIBLIOBLOGGERS who want to be wrestlers. And in one corner, from Fort Worth Texas, it’s the Dynamic Duo from Political Jesus, Chad “The Optymyst” and Rodney “The Black Rain” Thomas. [crowd goes wild, screaming, ‘Frak ya, PJ!’].

Challenging the Tag Team champions of the world are:

1. Brian “Blind Jesus” LePort and Mark “Cricket Chunder” Stevens: Well, as authors of a blog dedicated to a group of people who cannot see Jesus if he stood right next to them, Brian’s name makes perfect sense. Mark’s current interest in American Football has lead him to become anti-cricket, so there you have it, cricket makes him vomit every time he sees a score update.  It’s a sickening sport anyways.

2. Roland “the Sausage” Boer & Alasdair “UFO” Maclagan: In wrestling, sometimes the league likes to pair up two men who have absolutely nothing in common and who have a bad working relaitonship; Alasdair and Boer are no exception. Roland is famous working as a part-time deli worker at your local Kroger‘s grocery store.

3. James “the Mad Scientist McGrath” & Mark “Sushi Q” Goodacre: Mark loves sushi and Q [Sushi Q also happens to be one of the best restaurants in Fort Worth too], so its the perfect nickname while James is still angry SyFy cancelled Stargate-Universe.

4. Jeremy “Diss Network” Thompson & Joel “Polyester” Watts: Jeremy goes out of his way to disrespect Joel, the grand Protestant tradition, and anyone who does not root for the New Orleans Aints [whoops], but that’s not the reason for this nickname. Like Dish Network his namesake, Jeremy is just plain evil and uncool. This name has nothing to do with him tweeting all the time about his disseration. Not at all. But at least Jeremy is not as lame as Joel, whose secret wrestling move is to make people stare at his mismatched polyester Hawaiian shirt and pants.

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American Football: For Aussies Like Mark Stevens

Mark Stevens of Near Emmaus asks, “Can someone please explain NFL to me? I mean how can it have the word football in the name when no one regularly kicks the ball? How can fat blokes be called athletes? What is the main aim of the game?”

American Football is a religion in the Deep Southern states in the United States of America. It’s largest population of adherents reside in the great country of Texas. It’s worshippers consist of both men and women, but much like Islam, conservative Christian and Jewish congregations, and ancient religions, women play a secondary role in religious life as cheerleaders.  Like the Athenians who held the Olympics every year, men who are involved in American football games love to tackle, wrestle, and grab each others buttocks.

A few things of note:

1. There are 11 manly men on the field for each team at a time.
2. Each team has 4 downs to make 10 yards, on a 100 yard field. If they make it to the end of the field, it is called a touchdown.
3. The girly man of the team who gets to throw the ball from time to time is referred to as the quarterback.
4. There is a lot of trash talking in football, as well as a huge risk for injury.
5. The Super Bowl is an international past time, because American football owns every sport, even soccer.
6. Most of the players who play defense have lower IQs than those on offense. True story.

7. On offense, the goal is to go all 100 yards of the field to score something called a touchdown. A touchdown is equal to 6 points.  A team can either try for an extra point (1 point try) or go for 2 points on a 2 point conversion attempt. If a team does not want a touchdown, they can try a field goal, which means that a kicker tries to get 3 points by kicking the ball in between the two goal posts.  The other guy who kicks the ball in the game is known as a punter. If after 3 downs, a team is unable to get a first down (10 yards), then the punter will try to kick the ball away, usually to a returner.
8.If you have any other questions, please feel free to comment.

You are welcome.